Written in 2014.
Visiting old friends
‘Where do you want to meet?’ That seems to be the standard question when I arrange to see someone I have not seen for a while.
I do not mind choosing the place. What tends to follow, though, is that I end up organising the whole thing. Time, date, and even how the other person is getting there.
Maybe that is why I do not go out of my way to ‘visit’ people. The more likely explanation is that I have become a bit of a hermit. I like my own company, and that of a few select people. When I do meet up with them, we always have a great time. We chat, we laugh, we talk about the old days and everything in between.
The trouble is it can feel a bit false.
Maybe that is my own insecurity talking. Part of me wonders what I am offering. I am not a wealthy man. I do not have a vast circle of acquaintances. So what is it, exactly, that makes knowing me worthwhile?
What I do know is that I have lived a strange life so far. From about thirteen onwards, I seemed to collect experiences. My memories are blurry in places and my timeline is a bit of a mess, but I have found myself in some unusual, frightening situations. I have learned about life the hard way, more than once. I have made plenty of mistakes, and some of the worst came from trusting the wrong people, people who played the part of friend while taking what they could from my kindness.
The good news is that I do not want to live in that old grime.
People can be selfish. Fine. The ones I choose to stay in touch with are the ones who appreciate me for who I am, not what I can provide. They do not judge me. They do not flatter me. They show up when it matters. I do not need them for anything other than friendship, and that is the point. For those people, I will do a lot, because I know it runs both ways.
So to those who knew me long ago, here is the question I keep coming back to. Why did you like me then? Was it mutual trust and respect, something steady and real? Or was it just that I seemed like a ‘good person to know’ at the time?
If we drifted and did nothing to stop it, that tells its own story.
If you want to see me, meet me halfway.