6th of April 2017
Yes, but about what exactly? I’m not sure it matters. I just need to get it out. Writing here is cathartic. It helps me make sense of the world I’m living in. Putting thoughts down creates space. Balance. Order.
That inner voice of mine is loud and persistent. A noisy little bastard. Sometimes I hate the things it dangles in front of me to worry about.
Writing is a form of mindfulness. Combined with meditation, it’s helped keep me sane. It keeps depression at bay. It calms me. At times, it becomes a weapon. The pen might be mightier than the sword, but it’s also sharper when used honestly. I write things I’ll never publish. Probably ninety percent stays hidden. Sharing it would offend the people I care about. Friends. Family. So it stays in a private notebook, doing its work quietly.
Anyway. I digress.
Looking for a full-time job that actually fits is exhausting. I hate it. I hate burning energy only to be told by someone detached from my life that I’m too old, or overqualified, or not quite right. So I’m circling back to working for myself, from home. I need the flexibility. I just need to make it pay.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about mortality. Mid-life stuff, probably. I need focus. That focus is starting to appear. For too long, I’ve waited for something external to give me a leg-up. Some cosmic nudge. It’s not coming. The universe helps those who help themselves.
So instead of chasing promises of work that never materialise, I’m only taking on projects that are real. Guaranteed. Funded. I’m tired of being told something’s coming, only to hear they went elsewhere at the last minute. I know my value. I know I work hard. I give my full commitment to the job at hand.
Some of this is on me. Especially, qualifying clients properly at the start. That needs tightening.
For years, I’ve built websites using WordPress. That won’t change. But I’m also expanding how I work, using other tools where it makes sense to create more bespoke designs. I’m happy to offer photography, copywriting, design, marketing, and web work to clients who value my work.
Not to those who think they’re doing me a favour.
I don’t need favours. I need to be paid properly. I also need artistic licence. If you hire someone for their vision, don’t undermine it halfway through. If you want cheap and disposable, there are plenty of platforms for that.
I continue to write every day. Most of it won’t appear here. But trust me, there’s plenty more to say. Some of it is uncomfortable. Some of it is kind. All of it is necessary.
Until next time,
adieu.